


the times i see you and the emotions you bring

by jyaniseos



Category: NCT
Genre: Abuse mentioned, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mark is scary, Oh don’t forget angst, One Shot, Slow Burn, a bit of fighting, a bit soft, cheesy ending, did i say angst, jisung is a bit of a jerk at first, jisung is figuring himself out, kun is mentioned, the dreamies have rough lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 09:33:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15361509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyaniseos/pseuds/jyaniseos
Summary: The times Jisung sees Chenle and the emotions Chenle makes him feel.





	the times i see you and the emotions you bring

**Author's Note:**

> i had intended to write this in one day but it took a month

 

When Jisung first saw him, he was in dance class. It was the only thing keeping him sane, holding him down, taking him away from the shit that happens past these walls. His first initial thought was  _he wouldn’t last a day here. He should get moving._ He had let a tiny scoff and went back to the choreo he was practicing. It was something about the brunette who had just walked in that kept him tripping over his feet every time he caught a glimpse of of him in the mirror. His frame was small and he seemed to not know what he was doing, standing there and looking around. Jisung once again tried to let it not bother him. _One step, two step, turn._ He nearly fell over. He watches the boy reach out cautiously then scoot back with his hands over his mouth. 

 

Jisung doesn’t say anything, just sucks his teeth and rubs his forehead in annoyance. He looks at the boy. “Do you need something?”

 

”Me?” His voice was soft but voluminous.

 

”Who else is in here?” 

 

“Oh sorry, you’re right. I was walking around and I noticed this was still open. I was hoping…to be able to dance or something.” His voice fades out at the end and Jisung scoffs with an amused look.

 

”What I’m hearing is you’re new here. No dumbass would walk around here alone at night. You’re asking to get injured.” Jisung says roughly and he watches the boy flinch at his words.

 

“I’m not hurt, but yes, I am new here. I’m living with my older brother.” 

 

“What happened to your parents? Kicked you out? Deported?” Jisung spits, watching the boy scratch his head.

 

He bites his lip and pulls his sleeves over his hands, “Yes. My brother got kicked out, I went with him.”

 

”I’m guessing he’s unemployed then if you’re living  in this shithole of a city.” 

 

“Are _your_ parents unemployed?” His eyebrows furrow and Jisung snarls. 

 

“Get the fuck out. This studio isn’t open.”

 

*******

 

The second time Jisung sees him is less than a week later at the cafeteria during lunch period. Him and his friends were playing Go Fish and it was Jisung’s turn, yet the second he lays his eyes on the culprit, he slams his card on the table.

 

”Jisung, you good?” Jeno asks with a raised eyebrow.

 

”He’s here.” 

 

“Blondie?” Jaemin looks around for him, trying to match one loose description of a male between 50 people. Jisung points him out tiredly and pulls his hat down slightly. He was standing by the exit of the serving area, probably looking for an empty table. “Over here!” Jaemin stands up on the seats and waves his hands.

 

Jisung rolls his eyes. He does expect the boy to see Jaemin waving his hands like a madman but he doubts he’d realize Jaemin was targeting him. When he does walk over, his eyes widen. He set the boy on a low pedestal. Jaemin jumps off the seat and meets him halfway, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

 

“We wanted you to sit with us, y–“

 

”Me excluded.” Jisung boredly inputs, biting a piece of dry bread. He doesn’t look at him or see his reaction.

 

”Don’t mind his rude ass, have a seat.“ Jaemin pushes Donghyuck and Mark off to the side to allow Chenle a seat. His eyes scan over them all and Jisung returns the favor, his eyes watching him like a hawk as he sits down. 

 

“What’s your name, sugar plum?” Mark asks, and the boy looks at him. He jumps softly, probably shocked at Mark’s rough complexion and his position with Donghyuck. Donghyuck lays on Mark loosely, pulling his arm around him with one leg over the other. His face was sassy as he chewed a piece of gum, his eyes harsh and judgemental. Jisung smirked. 

 

“My name is Chenle.” 

 

“Huh, haven’t seen your face around here. You’re fresh meat, aren’t you?” Donghyuck looks him up and down.

 

 _Chenle_. Jisung didn’t expect for his name to sound so foreign but looking at his features now, he had a feeling he wasn’t Korean. “Uh, yes.”

 

Mark lets out a gruff noise, and Jeno follows shortly. Chenle looks at Mark, eyes hard to read. Mark processes this as a threat and jumps at Chenle, “The fuck you staring at? Run that look by me and I’ll fuck you up, _Chenle_.” Mark spits with such venom, Jisung couldn’t laugh. He watches Chenle look down at his food, which has been untouched since he sat down. His body shakes slightly and Jisung and Mark seem to be the only one step who notice as they both laugh is unison.

 

”You guys are scaring him.” Renjun butts in, “Leave him alone. You’re not Korean, are you?”

 

Chenle continues to look down at his lap, playing with his fingers as if they’re the most wondrous things. “Hey, he’s talking to you!” Mark snaps and Chenle flinches, covering his mouth to stifle a whimper. 

 

“I’m not.”

 

”Are you Chinese?” The second Renjun asks, Chenle’s eyes light up. He says something to Renjun in their native tongue, and soon a conversation strikes. 

 

Chenle is peppy and a bit loud, he’s comfortable now. Jisung hears the bell ring and stands, clapping. “Fun’s over, bitches. Get to class.” Jisung announces, leaving before his friends can say anything in protest. The halls are as full as they usually are, few kids here and there. 

 

“Hey!” Chenle’s voice calls out behind him. He stops in his tracks and turns around tiredly, relishing in the looks of disgust Chenle was receiving. 

 

“What do you want?” 

 

Chenle stops before him, “Jaemin said you have science too so you could show me the way.”

 

”I’m not showing you shit.” Jisung growls and turns around. He can still hear Chenle’s footsteps behind him. “What are you following me for?”

 

”I’m not following you, I need to get to class.” 

 

Jisung rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to class. I’m skipping, good luck.” Jisung doesn’t regret it when he continues straight down the hallway, middle fingers up. 

 

*******

 

The third time Jisung sees him is at the studio again, the next day. He’s sitting against the wall with the mirrors, unpleasantly picking at a pimple. Jisung drops his stuff loudly by the rack next to the door, which quickly catches Chenle’s attention. He turns around and presses against the mirror.

 

”This is the shit you do in the damn studio?” Jisung says and Chenle nods instantly. Jisung stares at him blankly, to which Chenle smiles and then back around. “Well, can you get out?”

 

”Free studio.” Chenle says simply and Jisung groans, walking towards him. 

 

“Go.”

 

”I’m busy.” Chenle whines, looking at Jisung in the mirror. 

 

Jisung wasn’t sure why Chenle decided to become bold overnight but he didn’t like it. Normally, he’d pick up a fight but something in him kept him from touching Chenle. His hands clenched beside him. Jisung watches as Chenle stands up, in front of him. A small smirk overtakes his lips as he _watches_ Chenle realize the height difference between them. 

 

”Are you gonna leave now?”

 

”I don’t want to.” Chenle frowns.

 

”Oh baby boy, _no_. It’s not about what you want to do, it’s about doing what you’re told.” Jisung caresses his shin softly, his eyes hooded with a low voice. Chenle grabs Jisung’s wrists and moves his hand away. Jisung narrows his eyes. “Don’t do that shit again.”

 

”What’s your name?” Chenle tilts his head.

 

”You didn’t hear it yesterday?”

 

”I wasn’t listening well.”

 

Jisung scoffs. He couldn’t believe Chenle was deciding to get so bold but he knew one thing, if he didn’t stop, it wouldn’t end well (on Chenle’s end.) “It’s Jisung.” He grits his teeth as he answers and Chenle smiles toothlessly.

 

”Okay. I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

 

“You won’t.” Jisung grunts as Chenle picks up his bag. Chenle doesn’t reply and walks to the door.  

 

“Oh,” he looks back, holding the door in his hand with a sly smile, “but I will.”

 

*******

 

It was the next day at school Jisung realized their statuses in Chenle’s book. Chenle and Renjun had obviously grown closer, judging by the way Renjun sat beside him in the spot where Mark and Donghyuck sat previously. Chenle has fear instilled in him of Mark and Donghyuck alike, but Donghyuck rarely says anything to Chenle; he just watches him with an indecipherable look. Jaemin was like Renjun, except him and Chenle didn’t share that bond of having the same mother tongue. Jeno hadn’t said a word to Chenle. 

 

And Jisung, he knew where he stood. He rubs his hands together mischievously. “So Chenle, coming down to the studio again?” Chenle looks at him with wide eyes.

 

”What?”

 

”You coming down to the studio again?” Jisung smiles darkly, and tilts his head, “since you wanted to be _so so brave_  yesterday.” His voice drips with cruel intent.

 

Chenle pauses, lost for words. Jisung grins toothlessly and sees Chenle try to respond but he clamps his lips shut when Mark began to chuckle roughly. 

 

“Little bitch got bold huh?” Mark sneers and Chenle looks down. “You’re starting off on the wrong foot, I hope you learn your place in this area. You’ll get jumped if you don’t.” There isn’t a trace of sympathy or kindness in his words yet a sickening smile overtakes Mark’s lips. Chenle nods understandingly, beginning to blink rapidly. 

 

“He can’t hear nods, baby.” Jeno butts in.

 

”Yes, I understand. Sorry.” Chenle whispers and Jisung watches him shrink little by little. The bell rings.

 

***

 

That night Chenle didn’t come to the studio. Jisung was internally grateful he learned his lesson from their first couple encounters, now he could focus on dancing. He turns and looks at the door, not sure of what – or who – he had expected to walk in just then. Brushing it off, he continues to dance; or at least try to. He keeps missing his steps and his train of thought is completely off tack. 

 

“Fuck!” He yells, kicking the wall under the mirror. It caves in slightly but he doesn’t care. He runs his hands through his hair frustratedly, grumbling under his breath. He makes the decision to just leave. 

 

The usual time he leaves is about 9:00 at night but he doesn’t make it home till 12:00 am. He’d figure the gang wasn’t ready for him to be back this early anyways.The alleyways don’t phase him anymore, their dark and alluring ways that could hold almost any danger known to man. He’s gotten jumped one too many times to know all about it. Wolves howl in the forest across the train track, the one sound that Jisung likes. 

 

The patter of feet and heavy pants are almost too familiar to him, people running from others and hiding. It wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. The sound of his feet feel unreal, _he_ feels unreal, like he’s a hologram or a simulation. Maybe there’s the possibility that he’d be pulled out, the leader of the simulation deciding he’s been through enough but everyday the hope gets smaller and smaller. Before he knows, he’s at the south city line, the lone train track just before a forest where one too many murders took place. 

 

He sits in the middle of the rusty track, pulling his knees to his chest. A sigh leaves his mouth, painful and tight as he heaved to catch a filling breath but to no avail, he’s filled with nothing but despair. Jisung looks to his left, catching the toy figure on the track; he’s not alone. He ignores it and looks away, it wasn’t his business. It’s one thing of a lot he’s learned; it’s every man for themselves and it wasn’t worth it to meddle. He knows it better than his own name. 

 

But when the figure made a beeline trees, Jisung yelled as loud as he could. He scrambled to his feet to figure, who had tripped over something on the way down. He looks back at Jisung and gets up as fast as he can but Jisung uses every muscle he has to pick up the pace before they make it to the poorly barricaded forest. When Jisung finally reaches them, they’re climbing up the fence. 

 

“Get the fuck down! Are you mad?” He screams, wrapping his arms around their waist and carrying them off. They struggle relentlessly and Jisung drops them on the floor. “What were you doing? Are you asking to die?” 

 

When they look up, their eyes meet and Jisung is taken aback. _Chenle?_ What was he trying to do? His lip is bruised and his hair is messy, eyes red and his clothes are ruined. What _happened_?

 

”Chenle, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Jisung scolds. 

 

Chenle remains silent while looking at Jisung before his eyes trail back to the forest. Before Jisung can stop him, he makes the run for it again. Jisung yells and hooks his arms around Chenle’s torso, and this time, Chenle begs to be put down.

 

”Let me go! Let me go, please.” His cries are more like screams of bloody murder and his voice is scratchy. He’s crying hard when Jisung lays him down on the track. “I wanna go home! I wanna go home! Let me leave!” He squirms in Jisung’s grip.

 

Jisung was shocked to see Chenle is such a state. “What happened?” 

 

“I want to go home!” Chenle arches his back and yells in Jisung’s face, screaming with tears going down his face. Jisung wasn’t sure on sure what to do. 

 

“Calm down, Chenle. Look at me, look at me.” He taps Chenle’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

 

Chenle stifles his cries, just whimpering and gasping for air. Jisung brushes his hair, attempting to fix it. His hand trails down to the back of his head and to his back. He helps him sit up. “He’s been trying to hit me. He hit me.” 

 

“Who?”

 

”My brother. We’ve only been in this shithole two weeks and he’s chosen the wrong crowd! He’s been drinking and smoking and I just want it to to end! I want to leave!” Chenle hiccups through each and every word, beginning to sob at the end. Jisung rubs his back as best as he can to calm him but he isn’t sure if he’s doing it right. 

 

“Oh.”

 

”I hate it here. Who knows how long I’ll be here, my brother deleted my parents numbers and I don’t even know where we are. He won’t tell me the city name. I don’t have a phone and I feel sick to my stomach.” 

 

“Oh. But why did you think going to the forest was a good idea?”

 

”I didn’t. When I left the apartment, I wanted to go to the studio but I saw Mark and Jeno smoking around the corner so I went back. Then I saw a fight so I dodged being seen and then ended up here. I didn’t know the forest was so close but I just came to calm down then I saw you coming and ran for it.” Chenle spews out and Jisung groans. 

 

“Then how did you get this?” Without thinking, he runs his thumb over Chenle’s bruised lip. 

 

“My brother.” 

 

Jisung looks around, getting up. “Well you gotta go home.”

 

”I’m not going home.” 

 

“You can’t sleep out here.” 

 

“I’ll figure it out.”

 

”Chenle.” Jisung deadpans. “I’m telling you can’t sleep anywhere out here. You’re asking to go to sleep forever.” 

 

Chenle winces and rises to his feet. “Where do I go then?” 

 

“I don’t know.” Jisung says and pats Chenle’s shoulder. “But hey, you have the answers. You’ll figure it out. Good luck.”

 

***

 

Over the next week, Chenle had been quiet. To Jisung at least. He still went to the studio and as far as Jisung saw, he rarely ever danced. When Chenle saw Jisung, he’d pack up and his stuff and go; it was like Chenle was never there. The only people he talked was Jaemin and Renjun and as much as Jisung liked that Chenle wasn’t bothering him anymore, it made him feel uneasy watching Chenle bond so well with them.

 

Little over a month ago, Chenle’s mere existence bothered him, it still does, but he liked the banter. He argues with his actual friends all the time but he enjoyed arguing with Chenle for the mere fact that he could render Chenle speechless with a single word. It was rare that he was right about anything and with a new soul like him, he was Einstein to a foreigner.

 

”Chenle.” Donghyuck suddenly says. It was the first time he ever said anything to Chenle and shock was evident on everyone’s face. “Where did you get your shoes?”

 

”They were a gift.” 

 

“Oh really? Let me have them.” Chenle chokes on his spit; Jisung laughs.

 

”I can’t– I can’t _give_ them to you.”

 

”And why not?” Mark narrows his eyes but Chenle seems upset enough to not be bothered. Jisung is surprised to say the least.

 

”Because my grandmother gave them to me. I’m sorry but I can’t give them to you.” 

 

“Give them to him.” Mark demands and snaps. “Now!”

 

Chenle stands up and places his palms flat on the table, narrowing his eyes back. “No.” 

 

Mark and Donghyuck gasp, Mark getting up as well. “My baby gets what he wants and if he wants your shoes, then he’ll get them.” Mark growls, pulsating veins making itself known in his neck and on his forehead.

 

”I’m not giving you guys my shoes.” He looks at Jaemin and Renjun, who don’t say anything on his behalf. Jisung _knows_ they don’t think it’s a big deal. 

 

“Hand them over or this will get ugly.” Donghyuck smirks, looking at his nails.

 

”It’s already ugly here.” Chenle picks up his tray, walking away. Jisung makes eye contact with him, watching his eyes flash red with hurt and anger for a split second. Then, he’s gone.

 

***

 

Chenle doesn’t sit with them at lunch after that incident. Jisung smiles outwardly at the original crew sitting without him, yet something in his stomach churns uncomfortably. Mark and Donghyuck sneer at the past events, while Renjun and Jaemin act as if Chenle didn’t exist and Jeno was just himself.

 

Jisung couldn’t say the feeling went away the next day or the next, in fact he started to fear it was permanent. Maybe it was just the unfamiliarity? That’s dumb. He did enjoy Mark terrorizing him more than he should’ve in the moment but reminiscing on it now just puts a knot in his throat. 

 

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Jisung slides out from the table, “Keep one for me.” He points to the cigarette Renjun has between his lips and leaves. As he walked through the hallway, he didn’t _actually_ have to use the bathroom. Guess he inadvertently moved himself from the group. He rarely hung out in the bathroom, there wasn’t reason to. Smoking was pretty much something everyone did everywhere and graffiti littering the walls. Besides, he doesn’t want to walk into someone fucking in the stalls. It happens more than it should. 

 

Luckily enough, the bathroom is empty at this time. He leans against the grey marble sink counter, scanning the molding grey floor. The bathroom stalls are open by default so it catches his attention when one is closed shut. A scoff comes out his mouth and he scrunches his nose, deciding to kick the first stall open. Going down the line, he finally is met with the one closed. He kicks it much harder than the rest, and much to his surprise, it pops open. 

 

“Chenle?” Said boy lifts his head up slowly, an awkward smile on his face. His feet are pointed inward to each other and a plate of food rests on his knees. 

 

“Hehe, why do we keep meeting like this?” He scratches his neck, brown hair messy and draping in front of his eyes. 

 

Jisung crosses his arms, leaning on the side of the door frame. “Yeah. Why _do_ we keep meeting like this?”

 

”I’m not sure, Jisung, I’m not sure.” Chenle addresses him by name for the first time since they’ve met. 

 

“Why are you eating in here?” Jisung asks before he can think and he’s shocked, judging by Chenle’s face he is too. He probably wasn’t preparing an answer.

 

”Well– uh– just decided to be alone today.”

 

Jisung glares at him, “Cut the shit.”

 

“I didn’t want to eat with you guys.” Chenle sighs and avoids eye contact. 

 

“Was it because of Mark?”

 

Chenle narrows his eyes, clearly offended but Jisung wasn’t sure why. ”All of you.” 

 

It was Jisung’s turn to be offended. “What do you mean _all_ of us?” 

 

“I mean the entirety of you sitting at the table. Mark and Donghyuck, for terrorizing me and the rest for not doing anything about it. You think I didn’t notice you taking _joy_ out of them bullying me? You _initiated_ it once for crying out loud!” Chenle places his plate behind him and stands up, matching up to Jisung. 

 

Jisung stands his ground, fixing his posture to be straight. “I don’t remember that.” 

 

“Oh of course you don’t. I don’t know what you guys have been through but just know it doesn’t mean I’m an less of person because I haven’t ‘experienced’ the things you guys have.” 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

”Oh really? Why do you think I ran when I saw Mark at the studio. I wasn’t scared of him, I heard him talking about jumping me! Taking everything I’ve got and you knew about it! They mentioned you and everything!” Jisung’s mouth goes slack and he’s lost for words. Chenle grabs his stuff, bumping into Jisung purposely on the way out of the stall. “That’s what I thought.” 

 

***

 

The feeling in his stomach has subsided but a new pain in his chest replaced it. It’s been there since he watched Chenle leave the bathroom, two days ago. It was just as foreign as the previous one but worse. It was making his head hurt, to the point Jisung thought he couldn’t function.

 

”Yo, Park. You good over there?” Jeno slaps his chest. 

 

“Yeah, I’m good. Just got this pounding headache but it’s nothing.” Jisung reassures the older. 

 

“What happened to that kid, Chenle?” Donghyuck suddenly mentions and Jisung’s chest constricts; he doesn’t feel it physically but hearing Chenle’s name presses a soft spot in his brain. 

 

“Haven’t seen him in a while. We need his shoes still, don’t have enough money to buy my baby the ones he really wants.” Mark kisses Donghyuck on the head, caressing his cheek with the most affection. “Where’s he eating now?” He asks with an unnerving smile. 

 

The bathroom. “I don’t know, why you asking me?”

 

Silence ensues and Jisung goes back to messing with the cigarette stubs. “You do.” Jaemin says. 

 

“What makes you say that? Huh?” Jisung pushes his tongue against his cheek and leans back, a hand propped on his knee. 

 

“Where’s Chenle?” Renjun joins in and for some reason, some unknown reason, it makes Jisung upset. 

 

“What the fuck do you want to know?” He snaps and he watches Renjun’s face contort. 

 

“Who are you talking to?” He turns his body full to face Jisung.

 

”I told you, I don’t know where Chenle is eating and you keep telling me I do. Are you in my head?” 

 

“Sounds like Chenle is.” Jaemin snickers and Jisung stomps up.

 

”You know what, fuck this. Let’s try this again tomorrow, we’ll find Chenle tomorrow and steal his dumb ass shoes, ok _princess_?” He spits at Donghyuck who can only frown at Jisung but a bratty smile overtakes his lips. Jisung leaves.

 

***

 

When he left, he had nowhere in particular he wanted to end up, so now his feet just before the rusted tracks confused him. He looks around, catching a small figure curled up in the middle of the track. His conscience tells him not to mind it but his feet beg to differ as he finds himself beside the stranger. 

 

He doesn’t normally do this but it was something telling him it was ok; _he_ was ok. Suddenly, the stranger hands him a long stick of a slim jim. Jisung accepts it and looks at the person, the feeling in his chest reappearing. He had forgot about it.

 

”Why’d you give this to me?” 

 

“You look like you need something to eat, Jisung.”

 

”I ate an hour ago.”

 

”You look constipated, just eat it, will you?” And Jisung leaves it at that. Unwrapping the juicy meat, he takes a big bite. He wasn’t sure how obvious he looked to anyone else that he needed this but it must’ve been bad for Chenle to notice as well. He felt self conscious. 

 

“Where’s yours?” Chenle pulls out five sticks of Slim Jims and gives an another one to Jisung. “Oh. Thanks.” 

 

He just nods in response and turns his head the other way. Jisung sighs, all types of things are just _off_ about him today. “Can I ask a question?”

 

”You just did.” Chenle has this look on his face, the twinkle in his eyes was dull and his smile falling. He wasn’t powering through life here. 

 

Jisung laughs but quickly covers it up with a cough. “Are you……are you–?” His words get stuck in his mouth and it almost _hurts_ because he knows exactly what to say but he just can’t.

 

“Am I...?”

 

”Mad?”

 

Jisung watches Chenle’s face show confusion then he opens his mouth. “I was at the moment but I’m not. Deciding not to sit with you guys was a good decision but I’m not mad at any of you.”

 

”That’s …”

 

”Relieving?” Chenle chuckles and Jisung cracks a smile.

 

“Yeah.”

 

”Can I ask _you_ a question?”  

 

Jisung’s heart starts to pound and his hands start to sweat but nonetheless he says, “Yes.” 

 

“How do you always manage to find me?” 

 

He wasn't prepared for that question. It’s at that moment Jisung realizes he does in fact always manage to find Chenle. He looks at Chenle with an expression like deer in headlights. He’s lost for words: how had Chenle noticed when Jisung himself hadn’t? His chest constricts again, the tightest of the three times it’s done. The words spill out. “My stomach has been hurting but not like a stomach like an uncomfortable revelation. It’s gone now but my head is hurting like a bitch and my chest keeps tightening.”

 

Chenle pats Jisung’s shoulder, “Maybe it’s guilt.”

 

Guilt? “That’s an emotion, I don’t _feel_ those.”

 

”You’re human, Jisung. You do feel things. I don’t know what you’re guilty for but you seem to have it bad.” 

 

Jisung clicks his tongue, then turns his body towards Chenle. “Since you know it all, how _do_ I make this ‘guilt’ go away?” 

 

“Apologize and get assured that it’s okay. It usually goes away a little after you’ve been told it’s okay or that they forgive you.” Jisung isn’t sure how he feels about apologizing at all, he’s never done it (as far as his memory goes at least.) His eyes look over Chenle, he can barely see him since the sun sets behind them. His chest is filled with something else, something sweeter and it gets sweeter the more he looks over every single one of his features. “What?” Chenle speaks softly. Jisung snaps out of whatever trance he was in. 

 

“What? Nothing.” 

 

“Okay,” Chenle mocks Jisung and bumps his shoulder, “Stop looking at me. Do I have something on my face?” 

 

“You don’t. How are you so…I don’t know…chill with me?” 

 

“I’m not, I’m just this way. I’ve seen some things I wish I didn’t but I’m not gonna let it change me.”

 

”How’s your brother?” Jisung shoves the stick in his mouth, regretting his decision to ask. Chenle tenses but he answers anyways. 

 

“It’s not a big deal, he’s been trying to treat me to things to make up for it and he threw all his beer bottles in the lake.” 

 

“Treat you to things like what?”

 

”Oh, like take me to a movie out of a town or buy me new clothes.”

 

”Cool.” Jisung tries but notices Chenle’s down face. “You don’t seem so hype about it?”

 

”I am but it’s too much. Something like that…nothing he gives me can change the fact that he hit me but I forgive him because he said sorry, he just wants to show me but he doesn’t know how.“

 

Listening to Chenle, it makes him feel worse. Not about his situation but about himself. He knows Chenle didn’t ask to live here and the shit he’ll see is only going to get worse; it bothers Jisung too much because it’s now Jisung realizes that Chenle is nothing more than a pure soul. It’s then he wants nothing more for Chenle to not end up like him. He doesn’t want to Chenle to see shit that’ll turn him into a monster like him or his friends. 

 

He bites off another piece of the Slim Jim and Chenle mirrors him, except more dramatically. “You know and I know damn well I don’t eat like that.”

 

”I’ve only seen you eat once or twice.” Chenle says between giggles and Jisung holds back a fond smile. 

 

“Shut up.” Jisung rolls his eyes and takes a bite. 

 

“You know,” Chenle starts, “I like that you find me.” 

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know, I just do. I guess…it makes me feel like I’m not alone. You’re the only person who I talk to other than my brother and he works so it gets lonely, hence why I’m never at home. Even if my presense makes you want to barf,  I like that I’m talking to you.” 

 

“Oh. I don’t– I don’t know what it is that makes it so easy for me to find you.” His voice falters at the end. 

 

“I guess it’s the emotions.” Chenle says playfully.

 

”Yeah,” Jisung whispers, “The emotions.”

 

***

 

The ‘emotions’ come by the millions and Jisung feels like he’s been hit by a train. It’s been a while since he last saw Chenle, a week at maximum, and it bothers Jisung. It bothers that he hasn’t seen Chenle, but it bothers him _even more_ that he’s gone nearly a month without seeing him before. Why was he feeling like it was the end of the world?

 

As soon as school ends, he’d end up at the studio, hoping the feeling of emptiness would subside. It only got worse the longer he stayed inside but he couldn’t find it in him to leave. He just watches the door, knowing he was expecting Chenle to walk in but forcing himself to not admit it. 

 

When Chenle does walk in, Jisung is caught off guard and rushes to his feet. Chenle snickers, placing his bag in the same place he always puts it. “Waiting for me?”

 

Jisung can only scoff, heading towards the barre. Chenle laughs with more volume, heading to stand next to him. He leans against the barre, back facing the mirror and a wordless smile is overtaking his face. Jisung only looks over his face, forgetting that Chenle could see him looking for so long.

 

“What?” 

 

“Huh?”

 

”You're staring at me.”

 

”I am?” Jisung asks stupidly, completely aware that he was looking at Chenle for too long. He just forgot that staring was the best way to put it; it made Jisung feel weird. 

 

“Yes,” Chenle smiles widely, “you are.”

 

“Oh.” Jisung looks away. 

 

Chenle grabs his chin delicately and redirects his face. “I didn’t say that it was bad.” A playful tone arises in voice.

 

”I know you didn’t.” Jisung removes Chenle’s hand slowly. He keeps the other’s fingers in his grip. His hand is much much larger than Chenle’s hand, but he likes that. He looks up at Chenle, taking his hand away. 

 

“You can hold my hand, I don’t mind.” He says and Jisung simply blinks at him. “I know you want to~. Here, let me do it.” Chenle slips his hand into Jisung’s, intertwining them. Chenle’s hand is cold, while his hands are warm. He likes how their hands look together. He wants to let go but he can’t. He doesn’t want to but he fears the longer he holds his hand, the more he’ll want Chenle to stay.

 

His complete attitude has started to change around Chenle and he’s caught himself before anyone can call him out on it. The sooner Chenle leaves, the easier it’ll be for Jisung to pick out the actions he usually doesn’t do and stop doing them. Chenle is just like everyone else.  

 

“You can let go now.”

 

”What if I don’t?” 

 

“I’ll do it.” Jisung proceeds to try and slip his hand away, but Chenle tightens his grip. Jisung looks at him, seeing the brunette looking back at him with a pout. 

 

“Don’t. Please?” Jisung shakes his head and pulls his hand away. He turns on some music and begins to dance, trying to forget that Chenle was here. “Whoop, whoop! Go Jisung!” 

 

This will be harder than expected. He gives Chenle a side glance, but the other seems to be unfazed as he begins to dance (horribly, Jisung must say.) His spins move closer and closer to Jisung so out of instinct, he moves farther and farther. It evolves into a chase and Chenle gains upon Jisung at lightning speed.  Now, Jisung realizes how small the studio really is. 

 

He turns to face Chenle, and his timing was completely off as the boy runs at the same speed. He collided with Jisung and the collide with the wall. Instinctively, Jisung captures Chenle, his arms under Chenle’s and holding him up loosely. Chenle straightens himself but he doesn’t move away from Jisung’s embrace, he just holds him tighter. A loud laugh echoes in the room. 

 

Jisung laughs awkwardly too, but it’s mainly him trying to hide his rapidly growing heartbeat. He comes to a complete standstill when Chenle wraps his arms around his neck. He only moves to tighten his grip around Chenle’s waist. It’s suddenly hard to breathe, his chest filling thickly with that familiar sweet scent. 

 

It gets better and better the more he holds Chenle and he knows he doesn’t want to let go. He’ll admit that much in this moment. 

 

“Ok, you can let me go now.”

 

”No,” Jisung speaks slowly, “No I won’t.”

 

***

 

Despite the fact that he didn’t _see_ Chenle very often these days, he always saw Chenle. In his dreams, of course. It was almost hauntingly beautiful that it scared Jisung. His dreams usually don’t feel like dreams, if they could even be on the dream side of the scale, but they were just flashbacks. On top of that, Jisung didn’t recall his dreams or have them in general often so for him to _remember_ a dream as _pleasant_ in the morning was a phenomenon.

 

The first time it happened Jisung woke up in a cold sweat, not fully piecing it all together until two hours later. Before he knew it, a smile lifted on his face. From then on, he grew fonder of going to sleep. He knew he’d be okay.  

 

“Watch where you’re going!” A figure screams in his face and realizes he was walking home then. He was too lost in his thoughts.

 

” _You_ watch where _you’re_ going, you coulda just walked around me.” Jisung rolls his eyes and sets on his way when a forceful push is pressed on his back. “What the fuck?” 

 

He pushes back and before he can see the crowd that quickly forms around them, a fight ensues. Jisung can only focus on getting blows in, even though his opponent is reasonably larger than him. A sharp knock to the side of his head sends him to the floor and he has no time regain himself before the other lays atop of him. Punch after punch to his face, he can’t even see anymore. But he can hear. He can hear his name being yelled with panic. 

 

The weight is lifted off him within seconds and the urgency in the others voice is apparent as they try to disperse the crowd. He hears the faint sound of feet scattering away. 

 

“Jisung! Oh my gosh, Jisung! Please tell me you can hear me!” The other’s voice is oddly familiar but Jisung can’t even put two and two together. “ _Jisung_!” The desperation in the stranger’s voice puts the knot in Jisung’s stomach and he suddenly knows who it is. 

 

“Chenle?” His voice is hoarse and it hurts to talk. 

 

“J-Jisung, oh Jisung! Are yo-you okay?” Chenle embraces him softly, careful not to apply too much pressure.

 

“I’m okay, Chenle.” Though his head is pounding, Jisung sits up slowly to assure Chenle he’s not in that much pain. “Why are you crying?” 

 

“You’re h–hurt! How c–can I n–n–not!” Chenle tries his best to lift Jisung up. “I have to clean you up, let’s g–go.” Jisung feels his body shake and a loud ringing in his ears drowns out Chenle’s sniffles, but he’s thankful for that much. Chenle places his arm around his neck and picks up his bag. 

 

“I can walk.” 

 

“You can’t!” Chenle says quickly, muttering things under his breath shakily. Jisung figures it’s to keep himself focused. “We are going to my house, okay?” 

 

Jisung hums in response.

 

**

 When Jisung first arrived, he knew that Chenle and his brother had somehow managed to live in the nicer houses of the city, even though it still has its fair share of extremities. Now, sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, waiting for Chenle to tend to his injuries, he was nerve wrecked. Normally, when he gets into fights, he tends to them himself or Renjun or Jaemin will help but that’s as far as it goes.

 

”Stop moving.” Chenle speaks, a shaky breath of mint in Jisung’s face. 

 

“Ok.” He winces when Chenle presses the alcohol pad to his lip and the other yelps, jumping back. “Chenle, are _you_ okay?”

 

”I’m fine, I’m fine, I–I just…it’s okay.” Chenle holds Jisung’s head in one hand and has the pad in the other. “I’m gonna do it.”

 

”Alright.” Chenle whimpers with each press to Jisung’s face and Jisung doesn’t know how much more he can take of it. He removes Chenle’s hand from his face and looks up at him through limited vision. “Chenle, what’s wrong?”

 

”I don’t wanna hurt you, you’ve been through enough.” Chenle whispers and Jisung lets out a sigh. Through what he can see, Chenle is looking down at his feet with his hands in front of him and his shoulders are shaking endlessly. He’s crying. So Jisung gets up and holds him. Chenle lifts his hand to hug Jisung back, sobbing loudly in his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. Jisung.”

 

”Why are you apologizing to me? You didn’t do anything.” 

 

“If I was there earlier, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.” Chenle speaks brokenly, continuing to sob again. Jisung cautiously moves his hand to the back of Chenle’s head, caressing his hair. 

 

“It’s not…it’s not your fault. Nothing that happens to me is your fault.” Jisung pulls from the hug but he still holds Chenle by the shoulders. “Look at me.” 

 

Alowly, but surely, Chenle raises his gaze to meet Jisung’s. It hurts to see his eyes red and pain filled, it hurts even more to know that he’s the reason behind it all. He doesn’t know what he wanted to say because he’s so lost in Chenle’s eyes. He opens his mouth to speak but his words get stuck in his throat. He knows that this all hurts more than the cuts on his face, than the pain in his head. 

 

“I…uh,, I can do this.” Jisung points to the first aide kit. “You go drink some water and relax…or something. Okay?” 

 

“Okay.” Chenle softly mumbles and slumps out of the bathroom. Jisung shuts the door behind him. He’s gotten himself into something and he’s not sure what it is, but he knows that he’s in deep.

 

**

 

When he opens the bathroom door, Chenle comes running in 0.6 seconds. “You’re done? Are you okay? You did well, okay that’s good.” He babbles and Jisung removes his hands with a light laugh. 

 

“I’m okay, I’ve done this before.” Chenle presses some ice to Jisung’s left eye. 

 

“That’s good, okay, that’s good. Let’s go sit down so we can heal this eye.” He guides him to the living room and sits him down on the brown couch. “Hold this, let me get you some water.” He disappears and returns with a large cup of cold water. 

 

“Must be freezing.” Jisung points out his shaking hands. 

 

“Huh? Oh…yeah, this sweater doesn’t put much up against a glass of cold refreshing water.” Chenle smiles and places it on the coffee table.  He sits down just a little too close that they touch and Chenle uneventfully slides down. “Hehe...sorry.” He scoots away. 

 

“It’s fine.” Jisung pulls the ice away from his eye and picks the cup up. It burns a bit when he drinks it, because its so cold, but it feels good. “I should get going.”

 

”No!” Chenle screams with his hands out. “I can’t let you leave, not in this condition. You can take my bed, I’ll sleep with my brother.” 

 

“But school tomorrow.” Jisung winces when the words come out his mouth. He’s never been fond of school but this is a desperate attempt to get out before the ‘emotions’ pile up. He gets up with a little difficulty. 

 

“Tomorrow’s Saturday.” 

 

“Oh…right. Either way, I’m not sleeping in your bed.” He says and it sounded much nicer in his head but when he sees Chenle frown, he thinks he should rephrase it. “I mean, I can’t just _take_ your bed. I’m not anyone important to do that to you.” 

 

“Jisung, you’re my friend. We’re supposed to take care of each other when the time comes.” Chenle places a comforting hand on Jisung’s shoulder. “Right now I’m taking care of you but I’m not expecting anything in return. Just take my bed, unless you really want to leave.” 

 

 _I don’t._ “I do.” Jisung chokes up. Chenle simply nods and heads towards the door. 

 

“Alrighty then! Let me walk you out.” Chenle holds Jisung’s wrist and leads him out to the end of the driveway. It’s pretty dark out but neither of them comment on it. “Bye Jisung.”

 

”Bye.” And he’s on his way. His stomach hurts again but it’s new and it’s tight. He knows this one. It’s regret. 

 

***

 

Jisung healed pretty quickly. By Tuesday morning, it was almost like he never got into a fight. Of course, he explained the ordeal to his friends, but he left out the part about Chenle coming to his rescue. He almost slipped up but  he saved himself. 

 

The whole night replayed in his mind 24/7, and the feeling in his stomach would come back. He saw Chenle in the hallway and the other would wave at him with the prettiest– Jisung’s never used that word before – smile he’s ever seen. He didn’t smile back but he’d make sure that Chenle saw that he noticed him. 

 

The two had the unspoken rule to not speak about Friday’s events, yet Jisung yearned to know Chenle’s perspective about it. Was he sad that Jisung said no? Jisung was sad about it too. The days passed by and Jisung only continued to think about how to ask Chenle if he could come over. That wasn’t a lot to ask, was it? What if Chenle didn’t want him to? What if he was secretly being petty about Jisung’s rejection? No,, Chenle’s not like that. 

 

What was Chenle like? Had Jisung known him long enough to know? Did he know him long enough to claim to know him? They were friends after all… yet only Chenle had put that title on them. Jisung wasn’t sure what to put, what to call it. He’s only had the five as his ‘friends’ his whole life. He was allowed to have separate friends though right? He doesn’t fucking know.

 

“Jisung?” Chenle’s voice rings in his head. Then he realizes it’s not in his head. 

 

“Huh? Hey.”

 

”Should Huh be our new greeting? You’re always out of it when I say hi to you.” He slides in the seat beside him. 

 

“Sorry, just thinking.”

 

”About what?” 

 

“Nothing.” 

 

“Come on buddio…let’s think together. Tell me what’s on your mind.” 

 

Jisung furrows his eyebrows at Chenle. “Why would I do that?”

 

”Because I want to know what’s troubling you! I’m here if you want to talk you know.” Chenle places a hand on his thigh, “I mean it.” 

 

“Ok.” Jisung nibbles on his lip. He wants to ask Chenle but he’d rather not for obvious reasons. He just looks away. 

 

“So,, what is it?”

 

“I’m not talking about it.” Jisung snaps harshly and regrets it when he sees Chenle’s face fall but he smiles again instantly. 

 

“That’s okay. Are you going to the studio later?” 

 

“Yeah, I am. Are you?”

 

”No, not today. My brother is taking time to that ice cream shop. Do you know it?” Jisung knows what he’s talking about. The only ice cream parlor in the city, and it’s close to his house. Where his ‘family’ lives. He always passes by it but he hasn’t been down that road in God knows how long. He doesn’t want to try it out. “Jisung?”

 

”I do know.” 

 

“Do you wanna come with? It’s on me.” 

 

No. I can’t, there’s that possibility of seeing my family, Jisung wants to say. But instead, “Sure.”

 

***

 

It was awkward. Jisung doesn’t regret saying sure for that reason. He regrets it because being around Chenle have him things to think, and when he had time, they’d attack him relentlessly. He looks at Chenle who is definitely enjoying his double chocolate chip ice cream and then at his brother, who hasn’t even taken a bite. He was too busy adoring his little brother.

 

That made Jisung jealous in the slightest. He was the youngest of his siblings and the rut of the family. When he was younger, he craved his older brothers’ attention, yet when he got into his first fight and his brothers cheered his opponent on, they became like strangers to him. It was sad to think about but Jisung was neutral on it. He didn’t feel anything anymore. 

 

“Jisung.” Chenle says softly. “You’re not eating your ice cream? It’s gonna melt.” Jisung looks at his single scoop, which was turning into a single glob of warm mess in his hand. 

 

“I was just,,” He contemplates saying that he was thinking but he knew Chenle would ask him about it later on. “I’m gonna eat it.” He licks the vanilla cone and forces a smile. “Mhm…yum, hehe.” He hates the taste. He hasn’t had ice cream in so long that it’s almost like it’s his first time. 

 

But he won’t let Chenle know that. He’ll finish it, even if it tastes like icy hell in his mouth. Chenle lets out a tiny giggle and Jisung wishes he could he replay it over and over. “Vanilla is such a bland flavor, Sungie.”

 

Jisung chokes. “Sungie?”

 

”Yes, Sungie is your new nickname.”

 

”Why now? Why all of a sudden?” Jisung spirals into a panic, tapping his foot urgently. He watches Chenle’s brother’s eyes narrow slightly at him. “Huh?”

 

”It’s ok, Kun.” He pats his brother’s arm, then turns to Jisung. “We’re buds! I had always thought of it but wasn’t sure when to use it. Now that we’re getting ice cream together, I think it’s good. Do you not like it?”

 

Jisung doesn’t think before he speaks. “I love it.”

 

***

 

Jisung’s name has a whole new meaning to it now. It‘s been shortened to ‘Sungie’ and frankly, Jisung likes it more than he thought he would. He’s never had a nickname before. A nickname used from his own name or used without malicious intent. He likes it a lot.

 

He feels all warm and giggly inside when Chenle says it ans he’s not sure if Chenle noticed or not, but he refers to Jisung as ‘Sungie’ in nearly ever sentence. 

 

‘Would you like another Slim Jim, Sungie?’

 

’Sungie, pink or purple?’

 

’Wait, Sungie, no!’

 

Jisung could say he adores it. He wouldn’t admit aloud but he knew deep inside that Chenle makes him feel special. He made him feel wanted, and he likes that. He likes it a lot.

 

One thing he doesn’t like is when Chenle makes him feel things. Sure, he likes when Chenle is around and calls him Sungie but that’s different. The nickname and Chenle are two different things. Anyways, when Chenle smiles, Jisung feels his heart race faster and faster. When he pouts, or when he laughs, Jisung’s heart could burst out of his chest. He’d rather it stay inside but he’s not sure. He does not like that at all. 

 

Recently, Chenle has grown more affectionate too. Jisung likes that. The subtle hand holding and he’ll randomly hug Jisung when he’s happy, or the best, when Chenle plays with his hair. There’s a significant height difference between the two but when they sit together or when Chenle allows Jisung to rest on his legs when he’s tired, his hands always find their way in Jisung’s hair. He likes that a lot.

 

Another thing he doesn’t like, is when Chenle doesn’t stop bothering him. Not because it’s annoying, but because Jisung _likes_ it. Who likes when they’re being bothered? Not Jisung but Chenle is the exception. Jisung knows had it been someone else bothering Jisung the way Chenle does, they’d get hit in the face quicker than they could count to one. But Jisung wouldn’t hit Chenle’s face, his face is too nice. Jisung likes his face. 

 

He likes Chenle’s existence too. It just stresses him that as much as he likes it, he can’t stand how it makes him feel. Chenle’ll make him feel guilt and regret and happiness and that one emotion that makes your heart beat really fast for no reason, all in one. It’s more tiring than when Jisung for 7 hours straight. He doesn’t like that. 

 

Despite all of that, Chenle makes him feel safe. He wants to make Chenle feel safe too. It bothers him that Chenle has to live here more and more everyday (you wouldn’t believe it considering Jisung couldn’t give two fucks about Chenle when they first met.)  Jisung couldn’t explain it, how quickly he grew fond of the brunette. He wasn’t sure of how people made friends, he’s had the same group of friends since he was young. Was it the same for anyone else? Or was it just him?

 

He doesn’t know. And he doesn’t like that.

 

***

 

When Jisung mentioned he liked Chenle bothering him, he knew he meant it to a certain extent. The one time he tried to do his homework, Chenle had somehow managed to complete it before school let out. It meant that he had nothing to do since Jisung was occupied. That only lasted ten minutes when he began to tickle behind his ear. 

 

He ignored it to the best of his ability. The tickling went down to his neck to under his chin then it stopped. “Jisungie~”

 

”Jisungie~” Chenle tapped his thigh softly.

 

“What is it?”

 

”Hehe,, nothing.” He giggles behind his hand. Jisung forces a smile. 

 

“Jisungie~” 

 

“What?” Jisung drops his pen on the grey floor of the studio. He was trying his best to hide his frustration.

 

Chenle traces a finger on his backpack, not looking at Jisung. “Nothing.”

 

”Ok then.” 

 

“Ji~sung~ie~” Chenle sing songs and Jisung rubs his forehead one handedly. 

 

“I know you don’t have homework but I do. Just keep it quiet for a sec, ok?” Jisung says in the calmest tone he can. Chenle grins and nods, bringing his knees up to his chest. “Thanks.” 

 

Jisung circles an answer in his book, then erases it, not sure what the answer is. _When was the Joseon era again? 151– 151– fuck!_ Jisung looks at Chenle, who’s humming quite annoyingly. He can’t focus. 

 

“Chenle.”

 

”Hm? Sorry.” 

 

Jisung fights off the urge to roll his eyes. He returns to his homework, scribbling down random answers. He just wants to be done. He looks up at Chenle. “You’re joking right?” The other looks at Jisung like a deer in headlights with his maracas in hand. 

 

“Uh...no?” 

 

“What the hell do you have maracas for?” 

 

“I wasn’t gonna use them…” He mumbles softly.

 

”All you’re doing is distracting me!” Jisung snarls at Chenle, snapping his book shut. “Can’t you sit still for a sec, can’t you just shut up!” 

 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

 

“Sorry won’t mean shit! You’re still gonna annoy me like you always do with your ‘hehes’ and maracas! Maracas! Maracas, Chenle? Seriously, what do you need maracas for? Tell me!”

 

”I like them, they make me happy.” 

 

“Can you consider my happiness and just stop! Stop with you–your _you_! I’m sick of it! I wanna be happy too! I was happy when life was simple! Then you come along and mess shit up! I only knew of like three emotions and now I know like a million! Because of you! I hate it! I want life to be easy again!”

 

”Oh.” Chenle whispers. “I’m sorry about that.” He slowly puts his things away and stands up, slinging his bag around his shoulder. Jisung catches a glimpse of his face and his stomach hurts. He’s hurting because he hurt Chenle. 

 

“Wait, Chenle–“

 

”It’s fine, Jisung. I get it, I’m out of your hair now. Don’t worry about me anymore, not that you did anyways. Have a good day, Jisung.” Chenle’s voice is devoid of any emotion and the sound makes Jisung want to throw up. He’s fucked up. He watches Chenle leave hopelessly. 

 

Jisung pulls at his hair, feeling anger beyond words to describe. He doesn’t know where it all came from. The words, none of them were true at all. If anything, Chenle made life easier. He made things easier to deal with. If there’s one thing Jisung knows is that he lost the one good thing he had going for him.

 

***

 

When Jisung saw Chenle, it was the most painful thing. Chenle didn’t look at him with the same expression, it was bland and short lived as he’d look away just as quick as he looked at him. Jisung knows it was all his fault that Chenle was acting this way and he has all right to. He hurt Chenle, and that, it just didn’t sit well with him. 

 

He wants to make it right but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know what Chenle likes. He doesn’t know _Chenle_. Jisung grunts outwardly. 

 

“You okay over there, buddy?” Renjun snickers through a mouth full of crackers. 

 

“No, I’m fucking not.” Jisung mutters, his head in his hands.

 

”What’s the matter, Park? Chenle got your heart in a twist?” Donghyuck joins in the reason and Jisung just _breaks_. Soft tears fall down his cheeks and he doesn’t bother to stop it. He just cries quietly in his palms, and the cries turn into sobs. He’s lost. 

 

“Guys…he’s crying...” Jeno speaks slowly as if he can’t believe what he’s saying. 

 

“We see.” Renjun and Mark say in unison. 

 

“What do we do?” Donghyuck shuffles off of Mark, looking around at the others. 

 

“Comfort him?” Jaemin suggests and they all think about it. 

 

“What’s some comforting things? Hurry, he’s scaring me.” Mark snaps his fingers urgently. 

 

“Hug him or something.” Jeno says suggestively and they all nod, agreeing words and nods filling the air. They all gather around Jisung. “Um, okay, Jisung, we’re going to hug you. On three.” 

 

They countdown and embrace the younger. Jisung leans into the touch, calming his sobs. He can’t remember the last time they all had hugged, let alone individually.  It felt so nice though. It felt really nice. 

 

“Crying over a boy? No, fam. Pick your head up, your SnapBack is falling.” Jeno chuckles, ruffling Jisung’s hair. They end the hug, and Jisung is more than upset about it but he keeps his mouth shut. 

 

“So…wanna talk?” Jaemin offers and Jisung shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to explain it all. He doesn’t even know what he’d be explaining.

 

“What did Chenle do?” Mark suddenly growls. 

 

Jisung looks at him sadly. “It’s what I did. I snapped on him for no reason. We haven’t talked since.”

 

”You Guys have been talking for real? I was just joking.” Donghyuck mutters the last part ans crosses his arms, sinking into the couch. 

 

“Yeah we have. We were friends, now I don’t know where we stand. I miss him.” Jisung sighs miserably. He feels like a piece of him has been ripped apart. “I feel so overdramatic for feeling this way.”

 

“How long has it been since y’all last talked?” 

 

”Two weeks.”  It feels like forever. 

 

“Perhaps you like him.” Renjun says matter of factly. 

 

“That…”

 

”Before you say anything, first of all you’re crying over him. Not only that but you hurt him and you _feel bad._ When was the last time you felt remorse for anyone?” 

 

Jeno pipes in, “He’s right. You do like Chenle.”

 

Jisung doesn’t like that they’re on the path of being right. He doesn’t want them to admit it for him. So he changes the subject. “How do I make him talk to me again?”

 

”Simple. Apologize.” Mark chews off a piece of bread.

 

”You say that as if I know how to say sorry to someone.” Jisung scoffs. 

 

“It’s hard to apologize but it’ll be easy once you say it,” Mark pats his knee, “trust me.”

 

*** 

 

Jisung wanted more than that. He knows Chenle deserves the best. So he’s got some flowers and a teddy bear to go along with it. He’s been walking around with it for at least ten minutes now, waiting for Chenle to pass by. He glares at anyone who looks at him weirdly, returning to a smile just Incase Chenle came along. 

 

When he did come around, Jisung was not prepared in the slightest. “Chenle!” He calls after the other, hopping off the railing by the exit of the school. 

 

“Yes?” Chenle sounds shocked to say the least. He looks at the things in his hands and his eyes widen even more. 

 

Jisung releases a heavy sigh, “These are for you. I didn’t want to apologize empty handed.” He lifts up the gifts in his arms. 

 

“You gonna give em to me?” Chenle giggles quietly.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Jisung hands the gifts to Chenle, who accepts them with a large smile. Seeing his smile made this that much easier for Jisung. “So I am,, I am,,” He sighs deeply,  “sorry.”

 

”Apolo–“

 

”Wait, I’m not done. I’m sorry for lashing out on you. I was just upset but I didn’t mean any of it. These last weeks have been hell since I haven’t been around you and I–“ Chenle suddenly pulls Jisung into a hug. Jisung hugs him back quickly. 

 

“I missed you too.” Jisung smiles gently in Chenle’s hair. He feels so good right now.

 

***

 

That ‘good’ feeling didn’t last very long. Chenle was nowhere to be seen and Jisung tried his best to show that it wasn’t bothering him but it was. He felt alone and he craved Chenle’s hugs (Jisung discovered he likes hugs more than he though he would but he wasn’t gonna ask his friends to hug him.) 

 

It’s been a week since his apology and he can’t help but feel like it was weak. Had Chenle even forgiven him? Probably not. He grunts and kicks the wall of the studio. The dent in the wall from his _many_ previous attacks finally makes way and now there’s a hole in the wall. He stares it and holds his hand over his chest. Is he…is he like the wall? 

 

He’s been punched, kicked, spat on, and much more verbally, physically, emotionally. He’s been dented. He didn’t think he’d give way, but Chenle was the last straw. He’s torn apart. He’s never felt this way about anything before. Why him? Why now? Why do people like Chenle have the power to break people like Jisung? 

 

Jisung feels powerless around Chenle, and at the same time, Chenle gives him more power. How does he even do that? Jisung pushes a finger inside the wall curiously. What’s behind it all? 

 

“What are you doing?” Chenle’s voice sounds behind him. 

 

Jisung scrambles to his feet and grasps Chenle into a hug. “Fuck! Where have you been?” 

 

“My brother took me out of town for the week. Anyways, what were you doing?” The other giggles in Jisung’s ear. 

 

“I broke the wall.” 

 

“How can you say that so calmly?” Chenle pulls away from the hug, faking an appalled expression. 

 

“I just did.” Jisung shrugs. He takes a second to get a good look at Chenle. His hair. It’s different. “Your head. You dyed your hair.” 

 

“Yes, I did. Do you like it?” Chenle twirls a bit and flips his now dirty blonde hair. Jisung laughs. 

 

“Yea I do. You look pretty.” Jisung covers his mouth a second too late; the words already came out his mouth. 

 

Chenle’s face squishes ans his eyebrows lifts in adoration, a hand over his heart. “Awww, thank you! That’s so sweet, Sungie.” He hugs Jisung’s torso and lays his head on his chest. He fits right under Jisung’s chin. 

 

“You’re…welcome.” 

 

“Sungie?”

 

”Yea?”

 

”I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while.  Do you wanna go out for ice cream, just the two of us?” Chenle presses his index fingers together shyly. “I know it must’ve been awkward with my brother there. Then afterwards we can hang at my house? You can sleepover if you want but you don’t have to, we can just watch movies or whatever. I have The Lion King and The Little Mermaid and I have horror movies too I think– Sorry I’m rambling.” Chenle puts his hand over his mouth.

 

Yes! Jisung doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he first step foot in Chenle’s house. A month? Maybe a month and a half? That doesn’t matter anyways. He tries not to show his excitement. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” 

 

“Really? Great! Then it’s a date?” Chenle asks hopefully. 

 

“Yes.” Jisung lets out a deep breath. “It’s a date.”

 

***

 

Despite being at the ice cream parlor, Jisung didn’t order any ice cream. He was content enough being here with Chenle. It was nice to be talking to him, their conversations drifting smoothly from one topic to another. 

 

“Hey Sungie?” Chenle looks at Jisung, who was busy adjusting his glasses in the reflective  decoration on the wall beside their booth. 

 

“Hm?”

 

“What?”

 

“What do you think of pineapple on pizza?” Chenle then takes a bite of his mint chocolate chip ice cream. Jisung watches him in horror as his closed mouth moves still, indicating that he’s _chewing_ said ice cream. “Is something wrong?”

 

”Why did you just bite the ice cream?” Jisung can’t even believe a sentence like that could come out his mouth. 

 

“Just because.”

 

”Don’t do what?” Chenle bites his ice cream with a mischievous smile on his face. 

 

“That–” another bite, “Chenle-

Despite being at the ice cream parlor, Jisung didn’t order any ice cream. He was content enough being here with Chenle. It was nice to be talking to him, their conversations drifting smoothly from one topic to another.

“Hey Sungie?” Chenle looks at Jisung, who was busy adjusting his glasses in the reflectivedecoration on the wall beside their booth.

“Hm?”

“What?”

“What do you think of pineapple on pizza?” Chenle then takes a bite of his mint chocolate chip ice cream. Jisung watches him in horror as his closed mouth moves still, indicating that he’s chewing said ice cream. “Is something wrong?”

”Why did you just bite the ice cream?” Jisung can’t even believe a sentence like that could come out his mouth.

“Just because.”

”Don’t do what?” Chenle bites his ice cream with a mischievous smile on his face.

“That–” another bite, “Chenle-” and another bite, “what–“ he bites the last scoop off, “Chenle!”

 

“What? It was yummy…” He smiles cheekily and rubs his stomach while swaying side to side. Jisung rolls his eyes.

 

“You’re such a weirdo, man. I don’t think I’ll look at you the same knowing you bite ice cream.”

 

“Eat this.” Chenle hands the cone to Jisung, who eyes it.

 

“Why are you giving this to me?”

 

 

“I’ll make a deal with you,” Chenle leans forward, “I know you don’t like ice cream but just eat this and I won’t bite ice cream in front of you.”

 

Jisung furrows his eyebrows, “How’d you know?”

 

“You’re just obvious. Anyways, that won’t matter. We won’t come here to hang anymore.”

 

“Wait why?”

 

“You don’t even like ice cream, Sungie.” Chenle pouts and places his head on his hand. “I want you to enjoy yourself too.”

 

“You’re right I don’t like ice cream,” Jisung says while shoving the ice cream cone into his mouth. He nearly chokes, “but I like hanging out with you, it doesn’t matter where we are as long as we’re together.” He muffles through a mouth full of quickly melting liquid. His hand rests under his chin, waiting for excess and his head is tilted back just to hold it all back.

 

Chenle understands only some, but pieces it together, smile lifting slowly on his face. “Aww Sungie– oh my gosh are you okay?” Chenle reaches over with a napkin, wiping Jisung’s face.

 

“I’m fine.” He swallows the last bit and dismisses Chenle with his hand. “This could be our– our place.”

 

“Really? That’s so nice!” Chenle squeals quietly. Jisung just rolls his eyes but cracks a smile too. Silence rings in the parlor as they stare at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles.

 

The bell sounds from the front door, indicating that they were no longer the only customers in the store. Jisung looked back and his smile drops. He turns quickly and keeps his head down, pulling his hoodie over his head.His breathing picks up but he tries his best to control himself, just so he doesn’t catch Chenle’s or the other’s attention. He fails.

 

 

“Sungie, are you okay?”

 

 

“Chenle,, can we leave?” Jisung asks softly and Chenle immediately grabs his hand.

 

 

“Of course.” Chenle stands up and leads Jisung out. He doesn’t bother to ask why and Jisung is forever thankful to Chenle. They only make it so far before that familiar gruff voice calls out from behind them. Chenle looks at Jisung who is already turned around, so he follows suit.

 

“Jisung, little brother! How the fuck are you?” The shorter of the two, not a sense of welcoming in his tone. “Still looking useless.”

 

 

“What do you want?” Jisung snarls with venom.

 

 

“We can’t talk to our little brother?”

 

 

“Please, you lost that fucking title years ago. You’re nothing to me.”

 

 

“You’re nothing to no one.” The taller spits and Chenle stands in front of Jisung when he moves closer.

 

 

“First of all, you guys are fucking jobless. You’re really harassing him on the street? Don’t you have jobs, lives? What the fuck? Leave him alone.” Chenle lets out with a scoff. Jisung bites his tongue, completely shocked at the vocabulary Chenle just let out.

 

His older brother chuckles, “This your little hoe? Please, you’re like 12. Go away.”

 

“You guys are like 30, go to work. Jisung isn’t a nobody, I really care about him and I’m not gonna sit here and let you annoy him that way. So get the fuck away from us, you rats!”

 

 

The two erupt into laughter, holding their stomachs. “And wha– my lungs– what are you gonna do? Swing at me with a rattle?”

 

 

“Go away.” Chenle speaks lowly, taking a step forward.

 

 

The two follow suit. “Or what?”

 

 

Chenle sighs defeatedly before striking the one in front of him where the sun doesn’t shine. With all his force, he gets another hit in before the brother cowers over in pain. The other lunges at him, dragging them both down. “Chenle!” Jisung grabs his brother’s hair and pulls his head up, to help Chenle escape from under the obviously larger man. Chenle pushes him off and stomps on his leg a couple times, tears falling from his eyes.

 

Jisung pulls him away, while he sobs. He turns into Jisung’s chest, Jisung holding him tightly.

 

“So you’d help this kid but not us?” His brother spits roughly, struggling to stand.

 

 

“I help who deserve it. Leave us the fuck alone, you coward.” Jisung walks away with Chenle in his arms. Chenle calms down, leaning his head on Jisung’s shoulder as they walk. Somehow, they end up at the dance studio, entering in.

 

The lights are dimmed but neither of them other to turn them up as they slide down the wall by the door. It’s silent. Jisung recalls everything that happened, finally taking a moment to go over it all. Chenle got into his first fight. Because of him. Jisung didn’t like that; it put a knot in his stomach. The night wasn’t supposed to end like this.

 

 

Chenle slides his finger into Jisung’s, leaning his head on his shoulder again without a word. Jisung doesn’t mind the silence. He would never forget what Chenle did for him, even if he lost every other memory he ever had. Chenle made him feel special today. It was today that reassured him that he means something, that he means something to someone.

 

He smiles.

 

***

 

 

They never went back to the ice cream parlor. Instead, they’d spend their afternoons at the dance studio with snacks sometimes. They would do whatever came to mind, and they’d stay way past sunset. It’s been weeks since the incident and neither of them have mentioned it, another unspoken rule.

 

 

“Sungie?” Chenle asks softly, looking up from his drawing.

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“What do you like?”

 

 

Jisung tears his gaze from his snacks, turning to Chenle. “What do you mean?”

 

 

“Like the things you like to do, the things you like, the people you like, that. I wanna doodle so give me ideas.”

 

 

Jisung knew it was just a simple question but it made him think. What did he like? He likes the studio, he likes the Slim Jim’s Chenle always buys for him, he likes the little twirl Chenle always draw on the corner of his papers, he likes Chenle’s hair, he likes,, he likes Chenle’s existence. He looks at Chenle, who’s attentively waiting for an answer.

 

 

“U-um, these.” He holds up the half eaten Slim Jim. Chenle smiles and begins his sketch. Jisung lets out a heavy breath.

 

 

“What else?”

 

 

“Stars, maybe?”

 

 

Chenle draws a star at the end of the Slim Jim, giggling. “It’s a Star Jim Wand! What a masterpiece.”

 

 

“Cute.” Jisung says quietly.

 

 

“I have another question.”

 

 

“What is it?”

 

 

“What would you like to know?” Jisung grunts at this question. “You don’t have to answer.”

 

 

“I will. What does it mean when,” Jisung swallows the lump in his throat, “when you think about someone a lot and they make you feel about yourself? The–they never leave your mind and it makes you smile just thinking about them?”

 

“Seems to me that it’s a crush.” Chenle elaborates, catching Jisung’s confused expression. “It means you like them. Like more than a friend. Perhaps, you have a crush?”

 

 

“No! I was asking for Jeno, he wanted to know because he’s developing feelings for someone. I thought you would know.”

 

Chenle nods, “Okay. You know what I noticed?”

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“We’re always here but we never dance.”

 

 

Jisung recalls the first time they hugged, he feels like it was yesterday. “We did once except you were chasing me.” Jisung breaks into laughs by the end of the sentence and Chenle slaps his arm.

 

 

“Stop,,” He pouts and stands up, putting his hand out. Jisung takes it without asking questions. “We’re going to dance.”

 

 

“No music.”

 

 

“No music.” Chenle repeats and wraps his arm’s around Jisung’s neck. “Your hands go here, in case you don’t know.” Jisung’s hands lay just above his waist.

 

 

“What are we doing?”

 

 

“Slow dancing, just follow me.” Chenle moves back and Jisung follows him, then they begin to sway side to side slowly. Jisung holds him closer and Chenle relaxes, he was obviously tense much like Jisung, laying his head on Jisung’s chest. Jisung inhales his vanilla scent, smiling just a bit. His heart pounds in his chest and he knows Chenle can feel it but he’s glad he hasn’t said anything. “Sungie?”

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“Have you,” Chenle lifts his head, “have you had your first kiss yet?”

 

 

“I– No.”

 

 

“Oh, me neither.” Chenle goes back to his place on Jisung’s chest.

 

 

Jisung looks around, “why do you ask?”

 

 

“No reason, just–just curious.”

 

 

“Oh. Okay.” Jisung says back. “Have you?”

 

 

“No.”

 

 

“Should a first kiss be special?”

 

 

“I don’t know…my brother told me they don’t matter but my parents told me they have to be with the first person you have feelings for. I believe my brother.”

 

 

“Oh.”

 

 

“Do you wanna kiss? All this talk makes me curious.” Chenle says suddenly and Jisung tries to remember all the times he saw Mark and Donghyuck kiss. He never thought a time would come where he would willingly think about the eye ruining sight.

 

 

“I don’t mind.” He does mind. A lot, but he can’t find it in him to say no. He wants to experience this, to see if it’s true that a kiss can reveal your true feelings for someone. It’s now or never.

 

Chenle puts his hand on Jisung’s cheek, “I’m gonna do it now.” Jisung nods and licks his lips He’s gonna do it. Chenle leans forward with closed eyes and Jisung dodges it out of instinct. “Sungie!”

 

 

“Sorry, I panicked! Let’s try this again, maybe I should do it.”

 

 

“Yea, yea ok, I like that idea.” Chenle plops back onto his flat feet. Jisung puts his hand on Chenle’s cheek, leaning down.

 

 

“Is this okay?”

 

 

“Your breath smells like Slim Jim’s.” Chenle laughs and Jisung frowns softly, before joining in too.

 

 

“So does yours!”

 

 

“Yours is worse.”

 

 

“Are we kissing or should we wait till we don’t have Slim Jim breath?”

 

 

“Well when you put it like that…no, let’s just do it!” 

 

 

“Okay! Let’s get to it, I know that we can d–“ Jisung cuts Chenle off, pressing their lips together. Chenle kisses back gradually, putting his hands on Jisung’s hips so that his hands aren’t just hanging by his sides. Chenle pulls away first and the two are left smiling like idiots.

 

Jisung looks down, “Maybe we should have waited till we didn’t have Slim Jim breath.” He chuckles. Chenle’s ears and cheeks are red like fire as he nods.

 

“You’re right.” Jisung nods to him and turns away. His lips tingle endlessly and his face is hot, his heart is beating faster than he’s ever felt before. He wants it to stop but he wants to do it again. “Sungie, I have to go home now because my brother needs to me to feed his TV system some water but see you later?” Chenle chooses a weird excuse and by the looks of it, he knows it too.

 

“You can go, it’s fine.” Chenle gives him a thumbs up and grabs his bag, rushing out the studio. Jisung’s alone now. Being alone gives him time to think.

 

 

***

 

 

“I love the way you dance, Sungie.” Chenle says when Jisung stops the music to get a drink of water.

 

 

He opens the cap and takes a sip, “What?”

 

 

“You dance so pretty.” Chenle coos and scrunches up his body, imitating that he got the chills. “I’m proud of you.”

 

 

“R–really?” Jisung’s eyes widen. Jisung rarely ever danced in front of people and when Chenle came around, he didn’t mind it much. He didn’t know how well he had truly danced until now.

 

 

“Yes. I’m very proud of you. You’re the best!” Chenle stands up and jumps with balled fists, “Jisung Park! Jisung Park!”

 

 

Jisung blushes just a bit, grabbing his towel to wipe the sweat that’s gushing from his head down his neck. “Stop that.” He doesn’t want to Chenle to stop, not one bit, but he knows his heart will combust if Chenle continues. Chenle smiles widely at Jisung, Jisung returning it subconsciously.

 

 

“Do you know who Michael Jackson is?” Chenle asks suddenly.

 

 

“I think so.”

 

 

“You could end up dancing just like him, Sungie. You’re really good, I don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about your dancing.” Jisung rolls his eyes playfully. “Get back to it! Or do you wanna go?”

 

 

“I’ll keep going.” Chenle nods. He shakes slightly, rubbing his arms. “Are you cold?”

 

 

“A little.”

 

 

Jisung pulls his black hoodie off the rack, handing it to Chenle. He watches Chenle as he slips it over his head. A choked laugh comes out his mouth when he sees how small Chenle looks in the large hoodie. The hem of the hoodie reaches mid thigh and Jisung couldn’t even see his hands. “You know what? Keep it.”

 

 

“Wa–“ Jisung turns the music up so loud that it drowns Chenle out.

 

 

***

 

 

Chenle didn’t show up for school. He could just be late but the thing is, Chenle has never been late before. He can’t help but look back at the doors every minute, despite the fact that he’s got a plate of food in front of him. He hasn’t touched it yet.

 

 

“Jisung, what’s wrong with you? Are you expecting the president?” Jeno snickers.

 

 

“Is he stopping by? Ooh, maybe he could fix this shithole the fuck up!” Jaemin mutters under his breath, shoving a spoonful of spaghetti in his mouth right after.

 

 

“Chenle isn’t here.”

 

 

“Yeah, he is. He just walked in, what the fuck is he wearing that for? It’s like 80°.” Mark grumbles, pointing at the open door. Jisung gets up from the table and walks over to him.

 

 

“Hey.” He breathes out in front of Chenle.

 

 

“Hi.” Chenle grins, looking up at him. Jisung looks away shortly.

 

 

“You’re wearing my hoodie in this hot ass weather?” The two laugh softly.

 

 

“I like it a lot, it smells just like you.”

 

 

Jisung coughs, “Do I smell good?”

 

 

“Very.” Chenle winks and walks past him towards the table. He sits in Jisung’s spot, greeting the table quietly. It’s been a while since Chenle last talked to them, them all sensing his awkwardness. Jisung scoots in beside and makes the move to hold his hand. He’s met with the fabric of his (read: Chenle’s) hoodie.

 

 

They look at each other and Chenle blushes, pulling the sleeve over his hand. He takes Jisung’s hand. Jisung loves how Chenle’s small, slightly chubby hand fits nicely in his large hand. It brings him comfort.

 

 

Jaemin gags, “This is worse than when we accidentally walked into Mark and Hyuck making out.” Jaemin shudders, as does the rest of the table.

 

 

“Honestly, you two have it bad.” Renjun butts in, side eyeing the two. Jisung jumps at him slightly. “Ooh, so scared. I’m just telling you how it is. Y’all aren’t dating yet?”

 

 

Chenle blushes and looks down. Jisung bites his lip, deep in thought. The idea never occurred to him. How does one even ask someone out? He’s sure he wants to be with Chenle, but he doesn’t know if Chenle feels the same. He’d like to think so but the dangers of assuming things come up in mind so he tries not to.

 

He looks at Chenle. How does he get out of the situation? He doesn’t want to hurt Chenle by avoiding, that could be misinterpreted. Jisung just smiles awkwardly.

 

 

Chenle pats his arm, “It’s ok, Sungie.”

 

 

“Sungie? W–“

 

 

“Anyways!” Jisung screeches with his hand out to shush his friends. They zip their mouths with mischievous grins. Jisung will never hear the end of this.

 

***

 

 

“Do you wanna have a sleepover?” Chenle turns his head to Jisung.

 

 

“A sleepover?” Jisung cocks his head, Chenle squeezing their intertwined fingers. 

 

 

“Yeah, like, do you wanna sleep at my house? Well, we don’t really sleep, we stay up together and eat and all that.” Chenle rubs his nose with his sweater paw (as Jisung learned that there’s a term for your sleeve being over your hand.)

 

 

Jisung scratches his head, “I don’t know…what do I bring?”

 

 

“Yourself! And clothes of course. I’ll handle everything else.”

 

 

“Where will I sleep?”

 

 

“Do you mind sleeping on the same bed, you’ve seen my bed it’s big and all. I mean, but t you don’t, I’ll take the floor, we have an air mattress.” Chenle rambles on and Jisung just puts his hand up. He wouldn’t want Chenle to sleep on the floor at his own house. Wouldn’t it be awkward for them to sleep on the same bed? Jisung already feels like an intruder.

 

 

“Uh,, sure.” He hopes he doesn’t regret this.

 

 

**

 

 

When Jisung shows up in his sweats, one of many, and a loose white tee, he expects that they’re already going to just sleep. He’s shocked to see Chenle in his sleep attire but he looks nowhere near tired. If anything, he looks the most hyper Jisung has ever seen him. Chenle pulls him by the arm.

 

 

“Good morning!” He jumps up.

 

 

“Chenle, it’s 7:30.” Chenle rolls his eyes with a smile, leading him down the familiar hallway to his room. Jisung drops his bag down by the dresser.

 

 

“I’ve got movies, you can choose.” Chenle lifts up his cover to reveal the display of movies that laid hidden under it. Jisung coughs awkwardly.

 

 

He scratches his neck, “I’m not a movie person.”

 

 

“Oh. No worries, we can play games! Do you like charades?” Chenle says cheerily while picking up the movies off his bed and placing them into piles on his desk.

 

 

Jisung didn’t even know what that was but it didn’t sound like something he would do. He just shrugged, he didn’t know what they did at sleepovers or anything but this didn’t sound the least bit fun. Especially since Jisung has came most prepared to sleep. Maybe Chenle was just overexcited, the boy did tend to come off too strong sometimes. Jisung just wanted to lie down with Chenle. They didn’t have to do anything, Jisung enjoys every second with the other.

 

 

“Sung?” Chenle asks and Jisung looks at him.

 

 

“Hm?”

 

 

“What do you wanna do?”

 

 

“I just wanna talk.” Jisung says quietly.

 

 

“Oh,” Chenle slows down a little before cautiously sitting on his bed, “yeah, we can do that. You can sit down.”

 

 

Jisung obeys and sits beside Chenle, who seems tense. The silence is awkward, it’s deafening. Jisung doesn’t like these awkward silences at all. He smacks his lips to make a little noise. Chenle glances at him with a tiny smile.

 

 

“You know, you never told me if you’re older or younger than me.” Chenle pulls his knees to his chest.

 

 

“I was born in ‘02.” Jisung mutters.

 

 

Chenle gasps and points at Jisung, laughing. “I’m older than you!”

 

 

“Whoop dee woo.”

 

 

“Don’t be sad, Sungie.” Chenle coos and tickles Jisung’s chin. “I’ll still be your baby.”

 

 

Jisung blushes at this. “Who said that?”

 

 

“Me! Anyways, ask me a question.” Chenle plops onto his back, laying in a starfish position. Jisung looks down at him.

 

 

Jisung had no questions in mind. He didn’t want to think about anything. “Did you enjoy our kiss?” This no thinking thing isn’t doing him very well. Jisung avoids Chenle’s gaze, running a hand through his hair.

 

 

Chenle sits up on his palms. “Yeah, I did. I’d totally do it again.”

 

 

“Really?” Jisung gapes at him.

 

 

“Of course.” Chenle sits next to Jisung, a softer tone of voice. “I’m glad you were my first kiss.”

 

 

“I was? Well, you were my first kiss too.” Jisung grins slowly and Chenle returns the gesture. “Y-you wanna be my second kiss too?” The sentence was supposed to be bold and confident. Jisung curses his pounding heart and stutter.

 

 

“Maybe. First answer me this.” Jisung nods for Chenle to go on. “Do you like me?”

 

 

Jisung chokes on his spit, there was a lot just sitting in his mouth (that explains his dry throat,) causing him to nearly blackout from how much he was coughing. Chenle pats his back harshly. Jisung pulls himself away from Chenle. He rushes into the bathroom and locks the door.

 

 

“Jisung?” Chenle’s voice is soft.

 

 

Jisung drowns him out, hanging onto the corners of the bathroom sink. What’s wrong with him? Why would Chenle just ask out the blue? How does someone answer that? How could he have possibly answered when he doesn’t even know the answer himself. It’s this moment where he feels his heart beat, differently from other times. It’s an emotion, he’s went so long without it but now they’re back. This one feels warmer but it hurts just a bit; like a pinch. He likes this one, but at the same time, he wants it to go away.

 

 

“Sungie?” His heart swells more.

 

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

 

“I’m fine.” Jisung unlocks the door and gives a weak smile. Chenle embraces him tightly.

 

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

 

***

 

 

It’s been two weeks since they last talked. It was all Jisung’s fault. He didn’t know how to approach Chenle. Jisung always saw Chenle in the halls, Chenle would even wave to him but Jisung would freak and walk away. He’s completely lost it.

 

 

His stomach grumbles just a little. Jisung scratches his head, how could he be hungry? He just ignores it, continuing to walk down the street. His stomach grumbles even louder this time and it’s scary how his mouth waters too. He stops and looks around. He’s right in front of the convenience store. He had a couple dollars to spend, maybe he will get something to eat.

 

 

When he enters, a wave of cool air and nostalgia hit him. He breathes in deeply, hands in pockets, scanning over the racks of snacks. Jisung reaches out to touch the pile of Doritos, then his stomach grumbles once more. He would’ve gotten them but something’s telling him that he shouldn’t. He goes along with it. He continues walking and then his eyes settle on the Slim Jims. Almost immediately, he’s reminded of Chenle. He grabs two and heads to the front desk.

 

 

The cashier looks tired and bored, devoid of life almost. Jisung doesn’t bother to make eye contact, tapping his foot impatiently. His total comes out to $5.78 and all he had was a five. He slides the bill to the lady. She hands him the bag without a glance and Jisung leaves like lightning.

 

 

He peeks inside the bag, two Slim Jim’s ready to eat. For some reason, he doesn’t start to eat it just yet. He doesn’t know how it all happened but in minutes time, he’s at the train track. It feels like just yesterday he had been here with Chenle for the first time. He sits down and begins to eat his Slim Jim. He observes the setting ahead of him. Memories of Chenle running towards the fence fill his mind and he looks away, the thought is one he doesn’t want to recall.

 

 

“Mind if I join?” Jisung turns around and it’s the person he had silently been hoping would show up. He smiles and pats the track beside him. Chenle sits a little closer than what Jisung expected but Jisung wasn’t going to complain. He liked it. “I see you have a Slim Jim.” He laughs shortly.

 

 

“Yeah, want one? I bought two.”

 

 

“Sure.” Chenle accepts the bag.

 

 

“Chenle.” Jisung speaks. Chenle turns to him shocked, Jisung rarely uses his name. “How do you know if you like someone?”

 

 

“Well, I guess you just know. Your heart and the way you think about them. Maybe it’s the tendency that you’ll always end up finding them.” Chenle stutters a bit, “There’s more to explain but I don’t know how to say it all.”

 

 

“Do you like someone?”

 

 

Chenle chuckles, “Yeah I do.”

 

 

“Oh. Who?”

 

 

“Who do you like, Jisung? You obviously like someone…” Chenle pouts gently and Jisung bites off a large piece of the snack to prevent from saying anything about how cute he is.

 

 

“Chenle, it m–might be you. You came here into my life and I thought you were the most annoying person ever. I wanted you to leave me alone for so long then you started making me feel all this shit. I wanted you to go still but it was different, it was weirder because it hurt when you weren’t here with me. I guess… I guess I really care about you because I do things I didn’t use to do because you of you and I’m not mad about it. You made me better in a way, but I don’t know if all that is what it means to like someone. Does it?” He turns to Chenle, who’s head is down. He doesn’t respond. “Lele?”

 

 

Chenle throws his head back with a loud sob. “Wow, I– I don’t know why I’m crying but I love you Jisung. I love you so much and I wanted to care for you a lot and I didn’t see anything wrong with you, I think you’re perfect just the way you are and I really think I’m in love with you. Honestly I don’t know if you feel that strongly about me but I really can’t hold this in anymore I just love yo–“ Jisung grabs his face in his hands and kisses him softly. Chenle scoots closer and holds Jisung.

 

 

When Jisung pulls away, he feels better. He likes Chenle. He likes Chenle. That feels good to know. He smiles coyly and fiddles with his fingers. Chenle likes, well loves, him too. He didn’t know there was a stronger emotion as such but Jisung knew that he’d feel it soon. Chenle hugs Jisung tightly, and Jisung holds him just as tight as if he’d lose Chenle if he let go.

 

 

“What are we now?”

 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

 

“We both like each other…are we something?”

 

 

“I don’t know.” Jisung feels Chenle hug harder.

 

 

“We don’t have to put a label on it.” Chenle says in a reassuring tone.

 

 

Jisung smiles, “we can just be two kids who like each other.”

 

 

“Yeah,” Chenle giggles, “Two kids.”

 

 

Jisung pulls away. He stares at Chenle, whose eyes are red like his cheeks. He looks nice. Jisung doesn’t know if liking someone puts a lens on your eyes, but he sees Chenle through this view; he’s perfection itself. Chenle wipes his eyes with–

 

 

“My fucking hoodie.” Jisung says, with no malicious undertone.

 

 

“Yes it is, what about it?” Chenle raises an eyebrow and turns his shoulder towards Jisung sassily. Jisung scoffs and tugs on the hoodie, pulling Chenle closer. “Geez, if you wanna kiss me just ask.”

 

 

“I didn’t–“ Jisung grunts, “I don’t have to ask.”

 

 

***

 

 

Chenle couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked up at Jisung with wide eyes. “Did you do this?” He points to his bed, that’s covered in flowers and chocolates.

 

“Yeah, your brother helped me. You know, it’s nice knowing your birthday.” Jisung says cockily, obviously proud of his work.

 

 

“You’re so–“ Chenle slaps his chest, “corny!”

 

 

Jisung hugs him and nuzzles his neck, “I love you too.” Chenle freezes and turns slowly to face Jisung.

 

 

“You what?”

 

 

“I said I love you too.”

 

 

“Sungie…” Chenle wraps his arms around Jisung’s neck and hugs him. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

 

 

“Don’t cry!” Jisung panics.

 

 

“Not sad crying, happy crying.”

 

 

“Oh.” Jisung says. “I want to say sorry for the way I treated you when we first met. I was a jerk.”

 

 

 

“Don’t worry about that. I forgave you a long time ago.”

 

 

 

“And also thanks.”

 

 

“Aw, why?” Chenle holds Jisung’s cheeks in his hands.

 

 

“For being you and helping me become a better person.” Jisung coos. “I mean it.”

 

 

“I’m gonna find whoever made you so cheesy! You were already amazing, just hidden under this shell. I’m glad I helped you become better.”

 

 

“I’m glad too. You give me all these emotions, baby.”

 

 

“Jisung!”

 

 

Jisung kisses his forehead gently. He feels like he’s on top of the world. He’s thankful Chenle even exists. Everything feels like it makes sense. Jisung was scared of whet they would head from now but he couldn’t bother to focus on that. He could only think about all the emotions Chenle made him feel. His heart blooms with new emotions, and he knows this one: love.

 


End file.
